Love Letters Part II

Love Letters Part II

You know I always liked you, but when you were on drugs I hated you! 1985 hotel room, I found you laying on a bed, out! _____ and Chris smiling their life away, I pounded you so hard on your chest you were black and blue the next day but I got you back! 1986 Mission Street SF, I found you half dead in your bed with ______, dragged you out and threw you on a coach I believe it was in the hallway (I think _________ was with me) called an ambulance and they put the big needle in you, whoops Patrick was awake again! Brother I loved you back then just like I did Chris but hell did you guys make it difficult for me sometimes, how cool would it be though to meet each other one day???
Love _______

I am glad you have the life you have right now, wish Chris was still here!

* * *

Dear Mr. O’Neil,

I sure do hope this email finds you well and in God’s good grace. I trust you and your lovely wife are enjoying beatific glimpses of Mother Mary and her Perfect Child through eggs over easy, sunny side up or in whichever manner you are cooking your eggs these days for I have deleted my Facebook page and therefore deprived of your current breakfast tendencies.

Now that we have gotten the pleasantries out of the way let’s get down to business. I have become mighty frustrated with writing my memoir. I have 25k words and content continues to spill out of me but oh boy does it need structure and organization.

The majority of the writing classes in ________ are on weekends. I am back to rubbing on rich folk and do massage at a high end spa in _______ on Saturdays and Sundays. The few weekday classes are on days I have custody of my children. And I ain’t doin’ no online bullshit.

Would you be willing to work with me? If so what kind of rates are we talkin’ about? If not do you know of an editor who would be down?

Here is a link of a short sample of about 5k words. I must warn you should you be in the habit of printing out documents that there are pictures at the end of the document. I would not want you to waste precious ink on another man’s blood.

Thank you kindly for your consideration Sir.

Yours Truly,

* * *

I guess I don’t know how to do new friends I feel like I’ve asked you out many times attended at least one of your readings to no avail, usually I ask some to meet and they don’t offer an alternative meet, what am I to make of that. I moved around so much when I was growing up, my patterns are engrained of chasing new friends all the time. I know I’m busy working and chasing pussy all the time. Hardly time for mainline friends anyway. They say that old er men have trouble with this too, so we are all there.

* * *

Mr. O’Neil I am obsessed with all things drug related and I have read your book six times making note of every instant you mention drugs, drug use and drug paraphernalia and you did so 387 times so my question is did you do this on purpose or did it just occur as a result of writing your story and if so was that self conscious or unconscious and were you trying to subliminally tell me to use more drugs because I did and if that is true than it is your fault I am now in rehab. Yours Truly Carmelita

* * *

I would not call anyone a crackhead as a rule. Why, it does not solve anything. It is belittling and not nice to call another human being that. You put him down and then you feel better don’t you? We teach our children to not call one another names, and then they grow up. Then, is it all of a sudden okay to call people names? No. Never. The bad language is the bad habit. See?

No sir I do not feel better for saying what I said. I really hated writing this to you. We are losing sight as to what is really right, and that is what I fear the most. I am not your punching bag. I am your reader.

Improve your writing is the challenge, sir.

I am really looking for literature that is redemptive and inspiring for young people. I am afraid of the devil in your writing. I am at variance with dead end language usage such as crackhead. Your crackhead is so dehumanized he becomes nothing more than a pain, and has no persona. I am very sorry to cross your path and get you all fired up. As it remains I am looking for better quality writing that frees the crackhead.

* * *

Hey Pat. I just wrote a 702 page memoir. It’s my first stab at writing. i’m no writer but I thought hey there’s a lot of peoples who weren’t writers writing memoir right now & why shouldn’t I be one of them. i don’t have a degree no fancy schooling I’m not wasting money & time with mfa who needs that stuff besides what are they teach me I don’t find on the internet or youtube? But hey I saw your a writer & you have been publish & i know __________ who I saw was a friend of yours on facebook & I need you to read my book. I’m not looking for editor just getting it published or mailing it me to your agent. Could read it & get back to me next week so i know your got this ok? attached it to this email & it’s copywrited and i’ll know if someone steals the idea & I want it to be a movie. heres my phone number to give to your agent __ – ___ – ___.
later, ___________

* * *

Hey there my long lost brother! Sorry to have to reach out to you under these circumstances, however, I just found out that ________ has passed away. I have no details other than my nephew, ________, told me it was cancer. Big up and may ________ rest in peace! Other than this news news, I hope you and the fam are well.


* * *

Dear Patrick O ,

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Kind regards ,

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* * *

HI Patrick,

I know you from when you came and talked with all of us at CMF. I was there in the back with the losers. You may remember me as the guy that mentioned offing his mom and stepdad on Christmas in Tulare, and you said something about happy holidays that was funny and we all laughed. But that was a couple of years ago now and you might not remember me. But I want now to write about what happened to me like you did in your book. I want to now tell my story about smoking meth and going off the rails and the damage I did when I listened to the voice tell me to do that thing that I did. I want to now make my peace with society and the rest of my family and hope to god that someone or maybe just one of them all gives a goddamn enough to come down here and forgive me as much as I forgive them for doing nothing. The chaplin talks about forgiveness like we all now supposed let them all off the hook for everything ever done to us but is that shit real does anybody not made up in the scripture with gods will actually say I forgive you? You talked a whole bunch about being in recovery and helping other people out but that was two years ago and you haven’t come back and I’m still here not going anywhere for the rest of my life and its so much some of the time that my muscles get tense I can’t breath and I’m smothering from no air. You ever think about offing yourself? I do. Be the easy way out.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon. Happy holidays.

______________ CDC#__________

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