The Dark Knight

There I am in line waiting for Batman and Stephan’s all, “did ya get the pictures Lynne sent to everybody in the entire freakin universe askin if they think she looks good?”

“Ah, no I didn’t,” I said and immediately checked my cell phone’s email.

“Hmmmm, she must hate you,” he said and smirked his little “I’m Stephan and the bitches just love me,” smirk of his.

And I was all “huh?” and stopped shoving popcorn in my mouth and said, “I guess so.” Then I thought for a minute and said “she sent everyone in the entire universe pictures of herself?”

“Yup,” smirk boy replied.

“Why does she hate me so?” I mused.

“I don’t know, what did you do to her now?” he smirked, this time with the “I’m so cool only I know shit” smirk of his.

I suppressed the urge to slap the shit out of him and started eating popcorn again. “Fuck you man, you ain’t getting any of my red vines.”

“Awh come on,” he pleaded. “I’ll put in a good word, get her to send the photos. Come on man, don’t hold back the vines!”

“Don’t do me any favors you weasel,” I told him, then shoved the red vines deeper into my pocket.

The entire time I was watching The Dark Knight I keep wondering why Lynne hated me so. The red vines were tasteless, the popcorn greasy and dull.

And Stephan, well he was Stephan, and every two minutes he’d check his iPhone and ogle her photos.

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