Hesitation, the Phone Rings….

“Hello?”

“Mister O’Neil?”

“Yes?”

“Hi. How are you doing?”

“Okay.”

“This is Mister Steinway.”

“Yes.”

“I was just calling to see if everything was alright.”

“Uh huh.”

“Is everything alright, Mister O’Neil?”

“Yeah.”

“Because we seem to have a problem. We haven’t received this month’s check.”

“You haven’t?”

“No sir. We haven’t.”

“I, ah.”

“As a matter of fact. We haven’t received a check for the last two months.”

“Ah.”

“I sent you a letter last week. I’ve been waiting to hear from you.”

“I never got a letter.”

“Well, whether or not you received the letter isn’t the point, Mister O’Neil.”

“Who is this?”

“Mister Steinway.”

“Steinway?”

“Your landlord, Mister O’Neil.”

“Oh.”

“Mister O’Neil, you are going to pay your rent?”

“Of course I am.”

“Any idea when?”

“I’ll send you a check now.”

“For two months rent?”

“Yes. I’ll make it out for this month and the last.”

“Mister O’Neil. If you don’t pay your rent I’ll be forced to evict you.”

“I understand.”

“I’ve never had to evict a tenant before.”

“Don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried, Mister O’Neil. It is just that I would rather not be
forced to deal with such unpleasantries.”

“I understand.”

“Please see that you do. Good day.”

“Yeah, good day. – Jesus mother fuckin Christ, I can’t believe that mother fucker.”

“Who’s that babe?”

“That was our fuckin landlord wondering where the rent is.”

“What’d you tell him?”

“I told him the check’s in the mail baby. The check’s in the mother fuckin mail.”

“What’d he say?”

“Said he was gonna evict us if we didn’t pay rent.”

“We gonna get evicted?”

“I don’t know, probably.”

“Babe?”

“Yeah what?”

“The phone’s ringing again.”

“Jesus Christ – hello?”

“Mister Patrick O’Neil?”

“Yes.”

“Hi. My name is Claudia Shappo. I’m calling in regards to your
account with California Master Card.”

“Uh huh.”

“Patrick your account seems to be in arrears to the sum of a two
thousand dollars.”

“And?”

“And you need to start making payments on your accrued debt.”

“Because?”

“Because that’s the agreement you signed when we issued you the
credit card.”

“Well, you guys fucked up.”

“Excuse me?”

“You fucked up. You trusted me.”

“We what?”

“Lets see. First off you people issued me a credit card, never asking
whether or not I had a job or any means of paying you back. Then you
set a limit of two thousand because you weren’t quite sure about me.
But you thought you’d take a chance. Like two grand isn’t that big a
deal, except now I’m not paying it back with your eighteen percent
interest, so basically your fucked.”

“Mister O’Neil. Do you have any idea what this will do to your
credit rating?”

“Misses, ah Snappo was it? Do you realize that I don’t fuckin
care about my credit?”

“If you don’t make good with a minimum payment of forty dollars by
Thursday. We’ll be turning your account over to our collection agency.”

“I’m sure they’ll be thrilled.”

“If you continue to ignore us, it will become a legal matter. With
further financial penalties and possible conviction of fraud.”

“Eeeek.”

“We can even garnish your wages.”

“That would be hard.”

“I don’t think you’re taking this matter as seriously as you should.”

“The next sound you hear will be silence because I’m hanging up.”

“Your in for a lot of trouble Mister O’Neil.”

“I’m afraid it’s a little too late to be sayin that. Good bye – Fuck,
I’m never answering the phone again”

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