It has just recently dawned on me that I’ve been scribing this site of perpetuated angst for a year now, having posted my first installment on August 1st 2004 – one year ago today. And as usual a lot has happened in the last year: some of it good and of course with the yin and yang circular rhythm of the universe there’s going to be the bad to even it all out. Though if you were to ask me I suppose I’d have to agree that we could do without the bad and some of the mediocre as well. Only seeing as I started chronicling the sordid details of my life during the tail end of 2004 and continued on into 2005 I can’t make blanket assumption-like statements about what kind of year I’ve had with my writing and my site without being forced to include disclaimers stating that there’s a split in the time line and my year transcends those traditional barriers much as I too tend to rebel against the status quo.
But that miniscule fact should be more than obvious to anyone that takes the time to read what I’ve written and speaking of the status quo there thankfully still hasn’t been a whole lot of notice from the internet establishment thereby eliciting critiques and analysis from the official blogging sector. Except unfortunately this one obscure review on a site that shall remain nameless: “Over the last year Mister Merde has sharpened his somewhat formidable though at times self-indulgent writing style bringing forth the urban grittiness of living amongst the destitute denizens that inhabit the epicenter of urban decay.” And what, should I not just talk about me, me and how about a little more on my favorite subject – me? Nevertheless; no matter if I admit, omit or just exaggerate, I still have to say that putting my writing online for any and all to take a look at has been a continual evolving process and a strangely somewhat enlightening experience as well.
However I think it would also suffice to say that just getting to the end of 2004 was a strange experience, that I don’t think any of us will deny, yet how enlightening it was is probably a personal matter best left up to each and everyone else’s discretion. What with the prospect of an extra day of a leap year messing up the calendar as well as it being improbably christened the Year of Rice by the United Nations, and no I don’t think that its Condoleeza Rice they be talkin’ about here, it seemed doomed from the start to be a tad off. And let’s not forget that according to the Chinese astrological calendar it was the year of the monkey, my animalistic alter ego, and like I’ve mentioned a few times before it’s been brought to my attention that this was to be the best year of my life and if that’s the case than I might as well just stop writing here and now and go back to drinking in seedy bars for a living.
But fortunately this isn’t all about me, now is it.
Yet there were major warning signs that these were to be turbulent times even starting way back in August when I first picked away at the keyboard of my laptop. For example on a minor note the summer Olympics were actually being held in Greece, the nation of their conception; unfortunately they must have not done fuck all to have caught my attention because there is nothing that I can remember about the whole affair. Though I do seem to remember that at the same time the World Trade Organization authorized the imposition of sanctions against the United States for “persistent violations” of the global trade laws! Yeah, Ok, so just like the Olympics making an indelible impression on my brain obviously a lot was achieved by that action and what about the United States’ persistently violating other people’s countries by invading them? Was that a slight infringement worthy of sanctions? And just maybe that’s why in my mind the Olympics were nothing but a bit of frivolity against the backdrop of war since how can nations ignorantly compete in relay races while obliviously another country is under siege?
Yet none the less the daily routine of life went on uninhibited and other than the sad affair of cinematographer/artist pornographer Russ Meyers dying in near obscurity in September – 2004 fizzled into the decrepit cultural wasteland that only a preordained fixed presidential election could offer: Four more years of Bush and if this keeps up then I really will go back to drinking in bars for a living again! Only what was equally as disturbing is that 72 other countries world wide supposedly held their elections too and apparently from the global political climate they all faired about as well as we did!
Barkeep, another Dewar’s White Label on the rocks! I haven’t even touched on two thousand and five yet and I’m already depressed like a mo-fo!
So obviously it was back to the basics of business as usual and the word on the streets was definitely “distraction” as in please, please, please give me something, anything to take my mind off of this reality. And if the comments to my posts in 2004 were any indication I wasn’t the only one experiencing a wee bit of trepidation. Yet the general sense of apathy may have been due to the futility of the disenfranchised, however the comments were anything but dull and it definitely made me feel like this is where I should be, amongst my people so to speak.
“I coughed up blood yesterday. Can you get any Vicodin?” – Girl Friday
“I think I might be starting to creep you and your blog friends out..” – Kacy
“we are psychically connected. And thus the mutual stalking continues!!” – Aughra
“Bust out those razor blades, like now…” – Christi Lee
“I am not trying to stalk you or anything. I promise…” – Alice
“I rarely lock my door. Please don’t tell any killers.” – lab munkay
And of course the email was even better:
“I do so love to read French people such as yourself who dabble in the noir literature.”
Meanwhile, and without my consideration or consent I might add, 2005 came about like the radioactive storm-wave that it sometimes still is. However this might have had a lot to do with the dueling monikers of “World Year of Physics” and “International Year of the Eucharist”—though who decided that this was to be the year that we all embraced physics is anybody’s guess, but I’ll give you one whooping attempt at guessing which religious faction wants the world to reenact a little “Last Supper” ritual or watch Mel Gibson’s glorified S and M movie about some guy in Jerusalem—but you do get a little red wine with your bread outta the deal!
But I digress here and back to the subject at hand: 2005 is also the year of the Rooster, which is fitting as the rooster is described as feisty and obstinate, and so far that’s been my year. Along with trying, complicated and an overall challenge, which once again a lot of other people out there in the internet must be enduing too if the comments of 2005 are any way to judge.
“Okay monsieur fromage – are you living my life?!” – madame x
“I hear a good sturdy pair of white cotton panties clears that right up” – Cori
“I wish you lived here so I could put you on my invalid route.” – Kacy
“was it the pulp that really set you off?” – boxen
“I’d date you if I had any desire to go outside and expose myself to fresh air.” – Tammy
Of course those were some of the most outlandish and provocative of the comments and that’s why I reprinted them; but for every one of those I get two like this one from Adriana Bliss – “I’ll be thinking of you, sending you doses of positive energy to lift your spirits.” And that’s what this publishing on the internet is all about: it’s a community of sorts where we talk to each other and by doing so I learn what bits work and which ones ungracefully bomb. Of course as you all know I don’t engage in conversations in the comments section, that’s what emails for and that’s why I publish my address. But regardless this is why, at least for now, that I’m here as I feel that we’re establishing a grassroots kind of writing community and as lazy as I am I have as yet to find a local writer’s workshop to engage in. Yet keeping with that premise, I do try and post on a weekly basis and the feedback as well as the experience of reading the work of others makes this a process that obviously I find rewarding – otherwise I wouldn’t do it!
Here’s to another year, hopefully a better one, and a word of thanks to all of you who continue to read my ramblings…